There are new challenges ahead, and sometimes I live in fear of the ones I hoped to have left behind. You can't set yourself up for failure.
They say that you are defined by your daily life. Whatever you do everyday of your life (outside of eat, sleep, brush your teeth etc). So you think of the one thing in life you'd like to be defined most by. Music. Sports. Writing. Knitting. Whatever. If you aren't doing that everyday of your life, it likely won't ever be the underlying theme in your obituary.
This eats me up sometimes. It's a reminder that I'm not always focusing on the points in my life I should be. I should be writing songs everyday. I should be writing everyday. Sometimes I'm really good about those things, but sometimes I can't remember to take my multi-vitamin. Then sh!t gets embarrassing.
Lack of focus pervades and it's a slippery slope. A good attitude helps. Excellent friends and family, even better. We are a product of our environment, physical, emotional, mental and otherwise. Half the time I feel like I'm going through a list of things I want, and by the time I get them completed I don't always recall why I wanted them. Attention driven or not - it's kind of the way it goes. Some cathartic form of whatever it is we do.
It's harder and harder to clear my head these days. In a couple days I'll leave out West to be in the desert, the most tumultuous and calming place I can think of. From there I'll be skimming my toes at Venice Beach or a gutter - I mean, wherever in LA I end up, it'll be cool right? Right.
If you so bravely made it to the end of this blog, I hope for a couple things.
I hope you believe in yourself and who you are meant to be.
I hope you do something everyday that works towards that, and not away from yourself.
I hope you don't get lost in relationships - they should never define who you are or where you're going.
I hope you know that not everything anyone does is good from start to finish, and that's ok.
I hope you know that we all don't know - the best of us just keep walking in the right direction.
So keep walking.
xoxo
MLJ
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Sounds like a case of writer's block. That's the wonderful think about art. It takes time to find the right moment for it to arrive. In my case Amanada Todd's unfortunate death has managed to unravel another poem from the treasure chest that is my mind. The right words found they're voice and I fashioned the music around them. I think some more will erupt in days to come. And then I'll get back to that place I hate, writer's block where the words don't feel right, the directions are flacked and everything that springs is mush. But something else will eventually inspire. And then the fun begins again. By the by totally agree with what you hope for. I hope for these things with you too. Good luck in the desert. May the sand and cacti bring all that focus back in a flood. If not, hopefully a nice warm time among friends or family.
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